I knew I liked SnoMon the moment I met him. ¬†And as we’ve gotten to know each other better, we’ve learned we’ve got more in common than we thought.

SnoMon and his fear of cubicles is something I find quite entertaining. ¬†And when he heard about my quitting story, well…let’s just say he gained a new appreciation for Snoloha.

It’s a story that, among my friends anyway, has become a favorite and one that is referenced often.

This was about 10 years ago. ¬†I had recently left a job that I had been with for nearly 9 years. ¬†It was a tough decision as I liked the job, but ultimately the goal of finishing that elusive bachelor’s degree trumped everything. ¬†It just so happened that I had a decent amount of time accrued that I was able to cash in on…in the middle of summer in Traverse City. ¬†So after a few weeks of beach bumming, I realized one afternoon as I looked down at the coffee stain on my t-shirt while sitting on the couch watching Sports Center re-runs that it was time to get a job.

So I did.

It was my first real 9-5 ‘office job’ with weekends and holidays off. ¬†How exciting. ¬†How grown up of me!

After a training period of a week or so I began to have doubts about how much I’d actually enjoy this position and the atmosphere.

Then it came…the big day. ¬†My first official day as an account rep. ¬†I had my very own cubicle. ¬†With this sweet white noise machine meant to…I dunno make you think you were listening to a TV station with no reception.

The day started normal…me cursing at a frozen PC trying to open Outlook, while the newly hired girl in the cubicle behind me sighed and looked at me with what was a cross between befuddlement and horror.

My new boss, who was either hopped up on some sort of stimulant or simply the biggest company cheerleader a soulless office could ask for, greeted me with a giant hand clap and a “let’s get ready to sell.”

I sighed, and died a bit more inside.  Could this be real?

I donned the Britney Spears like headset as she asked me to call an account to simply get a phone number. ¬†That’s it. ¬†That’s all I had to do. ¬†Dial and ask for a phone number…while wearing this ridiculous headset with a tiny microphone. ¬†I felt like the lead singer of my very own one man boy band.

She left.  I mumbled.  The girl behind me sighed.

I looked around.  The depressing grey of the cubicle walls stared back at me.  The hissing of the white noise machine began to mock me.

I leaned back. ¬†Said to my unimpressed co-worker that I was going to the boys room and that I’d be right back.

I stood up. ¬†Walked out the door. ¬†Down the hall to the boys room…and right on by to the the stairway. ¬†Out to my Jeep and drove 2 hours north to my old employer to discuss my return.

I never looked back. ¬†Never contacted them. ¬†Never collected my belongings from my cubicle. ¬†I don’t know if I ever collected a paycheck even.

It’s not my finest moment. ¬†But I felt myself dying from the inside out in that environment. ¬†All I could see were these lifeless office zombies walking about…hoping to make it until the weekend.

I wonder if they sit around the cube farm, taking a break with their headsets dangling around their necks and the white noise machines turned off ¬†and say ‘hey remember that guy who left to go to the bathroom and never came back? ¬†I wonder where he went?

I’ve told the story too many times to count. ¬†SnoMon loves it. ¬†Of course he does…he’s terrified of cubicles.

We’ve bonded.



No responses yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *